Category: Dating and Relationships
I wish I could go back and change things with my girlfriend Kelly, We were liveing in Canada, where she is from, But a few weeks ago, I got mad at her, And she walked out. I am from Chattanooga Tennessee, But I really liked it up in Canada, Because I was making alot of friends. But because I couldn't find another apartment, And because I wasn't a sitizon, I couldn't stay. And the thing that hurts the most, Is we had alot in commin . The day after we split, I tried to get her to take me back, But she wouldn't. Now I'm back here with my parents in Chattanooga Tennessee, And I am dessporetly triing to find my own place. And what is even sadder, Is her dad won't let me back in her house. She clames that I hit her, But I didn't. But despite all of that, I really like Canada, But the problem is that I don't have any one up there to sponcer me, Or that would let me move in with them. And also back here in Tennessee, All my friends say is that they don't know how to help me find a place. I mean it's not that I don't love my parents, But I just like the fact of having my own place.
You don't really need a girlfriend just to have your own place. I'm in Nashville Tennessee, and these apartments are pretty nice here. I'm sure you could get in, if you wanted to. Moving in to my own apartment was probably one of the best things I ever did.
where in nashville do you live? How is the transportation around where you live? And do you know of someone who could give me O and m around town? And are their alot of yung people around where you live? d
I live right off West end avenue, near cintinial park. It's right on a major bussline. I can't much help you with the mobility aspect. as far as young people, we're not far from Vanderbilt University, but there's not a lot of really young people in this actual apartment building that I know of.
Try rehab in nashville
so you were only with her because of living arrangements? I'm a bit confused.
No I was not, We really loved each other, And It was really hard because we had alot in comin. And I really mis being with her, But she still wants to be friends with me.
I'm going to sound like a real sap here, but if it's meant to be, you'll find a way back to each other. If not, I'm sure there's a destiny out there, just waiting for you to live it. Don't wait for life, because it certainly isn't going to wait for you. I'm sure it's difficult, if you really cared about each other, but sometimes, life throws us curve balls, and you can either catch them, or let them slip away from you.
Iunderstand that. But people have told me not to call her, But the thing is she still wants to be friends with me, So a part of me says to call her, But then another part says to not. So I don't know what to do? I just hope she sends me the money for hour apartment when she moves out on November first, But If she doesn't, Should I call and ask her about it? because, Her mom might ask me whye I didn't take my bed, But the thing was we didn't have enough room to put it!
That depends. Can you be friends without holding onto the painful memories? More importantly, is that what you want? Some people can break up after two years, and be talking again on friendly terms in a week. For others, it's years before they can look that person in the eye again. It just depends how you cope with these things.
You need to ask yourself what hurts more. Not having her as a girlfriend or not having her as a friend. Trust me, this discovery is a huge step in the maturation process.
I'd call and at least get the lagistics covered, then probably take a break. If you could be friends, putting about 6 months of no contact between you won't ruin that eventual friendship, and will allow both of you to sort things out in your own heads. It may be painful, but that would seem the best approach to me. As for regrets, they're not worth your time. I've been facing some hard decisions myself as of late, but once something is done it is done. Ocean Dream is right, you need to also think about why you want to have contact still. She says she wants to be friends, but what about you? Is that what you want? If you aren't sure, the suggested 6 month break may help put things in to perspective for you.
yes, spot on.
I understand, But what I don't like is her sister poesting these messeges on facebook about hour brake up, By saying Kelly is no longer in a relationship, And Now single. And also I don't see whye Kelly accuzed me of hitting her, Because I didn't do that. And also I no I was in the wrong for getting mad at her, But I really do understand Now whye that was wrong, And Hopefully she'll for give me.
as I said in that private qn, that's a dangerous situation.
So basicly what your telling me is to just move on?
Not necisarily but if someone says you hit them they might pin a bad reputation on you and charges might be brought up and...what a mess that would be. You don't need that head ache.
Well she is not going to charge me for any of this, because she knows that I want to stop all this, But all of this started way bbefore I new Kelly, I remember I got mad one day here at My house, And broke the shower head off the wall, And even when I was little, I use to like tair my toys up I remember My parents bought me a drumm set, And I tore it all to pieces! And I use to get in the middle of fights between my family, whitch had nothing to do with me. I'm just wondering, whye I am having these outburst now? Because I don't want to end up a vilent person, And I really want to stop all this! because I am not a bad person, I do cair about others, And I really want to find some one else.
Of course, I haven't heard both sides of the story, but from just hearing yours, I arrive at the conclusion that she's using your violent history as a way to make her look like the victim, and you look like the bad guy, yes? If you didn't hit her, which I'm not saying you did, that may be what's happening. If that's the case, you don't need someone like that in your life anyway. A real friend/partner will support you in getting help, not use your problem against you. Plenty of people do things in the name of anger they wouldn't normally do. it's very common, and it doesn't make you a bad person, as long as you're willing to take responsibility for your actions, and get help if necessary.
I just hope if I go back to viset some one else in canada, I am excepted by others around me. Because in all honesty, I love it up their! I hate being from the south, It sucks!
And I no it's a problem, thats whye I am triing really hardd not go loose my cool when things arn't always the greatest. And I no what I did was wrong. It still hurts thinking about it!
I sometimes get a short fuse as well but the key is how to control it. It takes time but you'll get there.
Why not cut off all contact? Facebook, email, phone, and everything in between. Sounds like moving on is the best option. Why continue to dwell on something that's already said and done?
I agree with the last poster completely. It would be different if things between the two of you were better, but honestly, it sounds like this is hurting you too much to be worth holding onto.
I second what was said in the last couple posts.
Indeed, the one who does much of the farting around here has a point. lol.
well, I'll give it afew more weeks and see what happends. I mean as far as friends that is.
why would you consider someone a friend who hurts you? just sayin'.
there are other fish in the sea, man.
My thoughts exactly.
As I usually say, 73% of this earth is filled up by ocean. and plenty and variety of fishes in it.
go for a drink and move on, I say.
the more we back at them, the more they make fuss, in my opinion.
Raaj.
I guess I see what your saying, I'll try to move on. But what if I do the same thing again to another girl like I did to her, And can't control it? I mean I hate gitting mad! It was so bad one time we had some guys working outside hour house, And I took a woodon stuel and try to punch a hole in the seeling! I mean I guess I'm crazy, but I don't want to be.
Only you can truly control that. it's up to you. Acknowledging the problem is Step 1. Taking steps to fix it is Step 2.
indeed, and don't be so hard on yourself. Forgiving ourselves is not a simple task.
well the advice here is good, It is hard to let go. Give yourself space. :)
ok, I'm triing. And thanks for the advice.
whynotseak some counceling?
i don't get why people are saying don't be to hard on yourself. if your getting that angry, you do need to get help!. Obviously yur admitting that you get crazy mad and break things and yeah. Are you sure you didn't hit her? why would she make it up?
Anyway, It doen't really matter. but I would say get help in controling yourself before you move onto someone else. If you worried you may do to someone else what you did to her? and i'm not sure what it was, then get help. your the only one that knows if it's bad enough to seek help and it sounds like your thinking it may be. so leave this girl alone and fix yourself! why worry about her saying she's single on face book. she is! so let it be!
Shea:
Why wouldn't she make it up? Plenty of women do I'm sorry to say. And I don't think he should be so hard on himself because nobody is perfect. We all faulter.
I am really triing to work it out with her now, We both aggreed that it was wrong, And we're triing to work things out, I mean We're both kids at heart, And we understand each other. And we aggreed that we're going to work on this.
Sounds like you have a game plan.
I am not sure how far you plan to take your relationship stepheno3 but beeing reasontly married we all screw up a time or 2. So its gald to see your working it out with her. If you both do not know how to work out your problems, in the long run your screwed.
First, get your anger issues under control, you don't want to find yourself getting into trouble, right now the most important person to you should be yourself, take care of yourself, or nothing else will matter, do whatever you need to do, find help if you think that's what it will take.
Second, really think about what you are getting yourself into if you try to get back together, do you want it more than she does, if she is ready to move on, you will be just wasting your time, and the friends thing, if you still have feelings for her, and hold out hope, it will just cause you more pain, it will hurt too much to see her show interest in other guys, you don't need to put yourself through that, just make a clean break, the friends thing just doesn't work if one person still has feelings for the other. Take care of yourself, then find someone who cares about you as much as you care about her, and who you get along with, you will save yourself a lot of pain in the long run.
Very well said. I couldn't agree more with the last post.
Yah But what if keeps happinging with the next person? And what if one day I do it friends who I really cair about?
Ok, she and I talked last night, And we're going to try Not talking for a while, So we can sort things out.